Watch as Aliza Pressman, PhD, shares tips for parents on how to manage their children’s anxiety, as well as their own, as children return to school during #COVID19 . She discusses common feelings and how to communicate with children about them, such as anxiety about being separated from the family and whether they’ll be safe. She also provides tips about how to read people’s emotions while being masked, and advice on how to communicate about current events in the world.
in the Department of Pediatrics and the co founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center. And today I'm going to answer some questions about the transition back to school, anything that you feel safe. Allowing them to use Thio interact online is going to be much more important right now, as it has been for the past six months. And other things that you could do it, especially for younger kids, is to accept that face time isn't that fun for some people, but being able to connect is super important. So sometimes you just lower the expectation that there has to be interaction, and you could just kind of be in the same room doing art project together or feel like you're in the same room because you've got the face time on and you can kind of chat with each other if you feel like it. But there's no pressure to have a conversation. As kids get older, they're going to tell you how they can connect with their friends. It maybe through a video game it maybe through doing, um, exercise class together or watching a movie together. It may be that they just wanna talk or text giving space for what may be feeling like too much screen time when it comes to socializing is going to be important, as long as you obviously make sure it doesn't happen during meal time or when they're going outside or trying to get fresh air or focusing on their work. So before we talk to our kids about going back to school, we have to check in with how we feel. Take a deep breath. Four Count in four counts out to make sure that we're not imposing our own anxiety on to the conversation. Then we're coming in in a space where we can receive what they're feeling and help them get through this experience. So if they're feeling anxious, one thing to really focus on is don't try to get rid of the anxiety. Welcome the anxiety, Say it makes sense that you feel that way. You haven't been back to school in a really long time, and there's been so much information out there about staying away from people, so it makes sense that you're nervous about going back. Then after you've kind of validated that feeling, say, I'm making sure that you're safe or I wouldn't send you back. And here's what information we have and remind them what coronaviruses, depending on their age or more information because we haven't talked about in a long time. Sometimes it feels like, Well, I explain what it was. There's been a pandemic for many months now. They know, but we haven't actually named it again. So remind them what it is. Asked them what they think it is. Let them know why it's okay to go back to school now and what precautions the school is taking to protect the teachers, the grown ups, their bodies, but emphasize taking care of others because you are not worried about them. Well, it has been, ah, long time without practicing separation. So it again it makes sense that people might be feeling concerned that separation is going to be extra difficult. It's natural to feel clini. Er, these feelings are not going to go anywhere by telling kids not to feel them. So again, you wanna welcome that feeling and say you might feel. In fact, before you do that, you might check in with how they are feeling about separating. You know, we haven't been apart in a really long time. I wonder how it's feeling free to go back to school pause, find out how they actually think they feel, And then if they're saying that they might worry about that separation, then you can say, Yeah, that makes sense. What do you think we should do about that? And you can come up with some kind of ritual. For younger Children, it can be the traditional kissing hand ritual, which is based on the book. You can give a little kisses on each hand after their washed and because you're one family, um, and they can put their hands on their Let's change it from cheeks because it's co vid so they can put their hands around themselves, get themselves a hug. And remember, the that kiss is hugging them. Mommy loves me or Daddy loves me or caregiver loves me. If they're older, you just talk about it. Ask them. You know what kind of thing they can do during the day to remind themselves they've got this, and remember, they might not know how they're gonna feel, and they might be super excited or super nervous and get there, and it's a completely different thing. Either way, you let them know. I know you've got this. Even if it's gonna be really, really hard at first, I know you're gonna get through it again. Really? Um, natural concern. One thing to do is practice. Play in. You know, this should be in a light way how to read people's emotions and communication. How toe Listen, when someone's in a mask, you can play a game at home where everybody is wearing masks and maybe you each have to play a guessing game about what they're trying to say when they're not talking. They're just using their body language because we do depend a lot on facial expressions and mouths to learn and to pick up cues. And we're not gonna have those. So helping them readjust how they communicate and how they understand communication will help them when they're at school. Another thing to do at home is to reinforce the lessons, especially for younger Children and for areas like literacy, where they can see your mouth. So read to them, ask them to read to you if they're reading level and let them know, you know? So tell me what you guys learn today in school, the concerns are not unfounded, but we do know that kids adapt. And so we're counting on the fact that kids were going to probably adapt more easily than the adults do in terms of learning, and you'll pick up from their cues and from what they tell you how it's going and adjust accordingly. Taking a deep breath again before you talk to your child about what's happening in the world, making sure that you've come to terms with how you feel about what's happening in the world so that you don't enter the conversation with the weight of your feelings and turning the news off around the kids will all help. Then when you do talk to kids first, start with so you may have noticed and then fill in that blank with whatever piece of the news cycle you wanna bring up. You may have noticed people are still wearing masks. You may have noticed there's a lot of unrest. You may have noticed whatever it is there is, there is so much right now. After you say that, let them tell you what they've noticed. Ask them what they know. Tell me what you know about that. Tell me what you think about that, so that you can find out where they are coming from and start from there. So you don't give them too much information or too little information. You're getting your first collecting information from them, getting a gauge on how they're feeling and then ask them if they have any questions for you so that you're the first resource. They turn Thio to clarify any confusion, toe, let them know that they're safe and so that you can continue to have a deeper and more meaningful conversation about what's going on in the world. The most important thing todo is Aziz, the most important parenting thing we can dio, and this is going to sound heavy. Um, but it's great news is that it's in our control is to help our kids by helping ourselves. So you must take care of yourself in order to take care of Children. That means if you are feeling this anxiety, do the things that you know are important to manage your own anxiety. That means on a basic level, check in with your sleep, your food and your exercise. Make sure you're doing the things that help you set the day up with the possibility of feeling a little bit better next except the anxiety. It's very reasonable. Give yourself a break. It makes sense to feel anxious. We're in a challenging time, but we also are, And we also know that we're doing everything that we can and take a deep breath and ask yourself, What are the things in my control as a parent that are going to make me feel better about all of the things that are going on in the world and really focus on what you can control? Because those air productive worries you could do something about them, then the stuff that's really worrying you and you absolutely have no control over it. Set aside time every day to think about those things for about 10 minutes and then promise yourself you'll get back to them tomorrow. But now you're done so that it doesn't impact everything about you and your tone when you're around your kids, your energy. When you're around your kids, you need your physiology. Thio have a statement that doesn't impact your kids Anxiety. Those deep breaths can really help a meditation practice can help. If meditation doesn't work for you. Any other tons of free online apse com headspace you name it. Just put it in the APP search bar just to check in and give your body a chance to come down and regularly. The last thing to Dio is again Thio. Think of anxiety as something that is adaptive, something that will help in times of emergency but that you don't need it to be on super high alert right now because in that moment you are safe and your kids are safe. Take a moment to check in with yourself each time you have this conversation with your kids and try to avoid constant talking about Covad 19 reading new articles and then relaying them to other adults in your life. Your kids are listening, and it helps you not practice feeding that anxiety. So again, you can set aside a certain amount of time for information, a certain amount of time for worries. But then make a practice of stopping and giving yourself permission to wait until tomorrow, and that way you give yourself time. Thio, readjust, reconnect with your kids and change the tone of the household. If if the things that I previously mentioned just feel impossible that it's an impossible burden, which is again really reasonable right now, this is an enormously stressful time. Your parents of the pandemic. It's a lot if you cannot function day to day without that constant cycle in your head, and you need help taking care of yourself if you can't manage your sleeping, eating and health patterns, if you feel in any way out of control beyond what is reasonable, given the circumstances or if you just want space to talk to someone, it's urgent that you get professional help. So one final thought is we're all doing our best. Were parents of the pandemic, it is a challenging time. We do know that the most powerful environmental impact on Children is having one loving and supportive caregiver, and with that, Children can experience challenges and come out thriving
